The green grass rises,
a tree leaf unfurls itself;
an egg is hatched.
The green grass rises,
A drop of water,
captures our reflection;
the pond fills with rain.
Darkness soon founders,
to the silent rising light;
the sound of one bird.
Ever so silent,
To stand alone in the trees;
One single heartbeat.
In one warm tear drop,
Can exist, an entire
Reason for living.
I am renting a small cabin, situated on a large property which borders two lakes, I can’t see the lakes from my cabin, but once I get out onto the property itself, I get a partial view of one of the lakes. My little cabin is plonked in the centre of a large stand of cedar and fir trees. It is rather bucolic, however, like a lot of things in life, there are two side to every coin. I like to see it as three sides to every coin, there are good, bad, and ugly, in most things. It is gorgeous, but I don’t own it and so I am at the whim of a stubborn, money hungry, land lady who, in turns can be nice, then be very not so nice to be around.
I have families of deer surrounding me, in my little cabin, I watch them graze their way around the woods, mostly I see two, or three females and two, or more offspring. They tend to have twins. The bucks show up once in a while but I mostly see the does and fawns on their own. One fine morning, as I was heading out for my nature walk along the lake side trail, I walked upon a group. They stood and watched me approach, but didn’t bound off as is their usual wont to do. They stood and let me walk into the group, I kept my eyes lowered, slowed my walk and tried to be as quiet as possible, I stopped for a second or a brief moment to absorb my situation. I was surrounded by a group of deer.
Don’t try this at home folks, they are a wild animal, they’re a whole lot stronger than I, and I am lucky I didn’t get attacked. Lucky indeed, but it was quite the exhilarating experience for us out here at The Rusty Prose.
The same goes for wild rabbits, I live in bunny central. Eastern cotton tail, these ones are called, and there are a lot of them. These are wild, not at all the store bought bunnies for Easter which then get released into the wild to fend for themselves after they’ve developed a taste for fresh lettuce and carrots. These wild ones have a different diet, so they’re not after a the farmers gardens, they tend to graze around my cabin much the same as the deer.
Birds, the birds. Many different types, although I’m sure the bird population, as a whole, isn’t what it used to be, but I am blessed with a having so many different types; I have Raptors, song birds, water fowl, mourning doves, Stellar’s Jays, woodpeckers, ravens, crows and hummingbirds. I don’t have any feeders out, they don’t seem to need any, even my hummingbirds hang around without a feeder. At night I get the eagles chittering away to themselves, I have screech owls letting their presence be known and felt, and I have barred owls flying over head, calling out as I go for walks. I have my ducks and geese to welcome me, then the ravens lead me back home. Back to my little cabin ensconced in nature.
Never put off until tomorrow something that can be done right now, or some such thing. I’m good at paraphrasing, I tend to forget the entire adage, or quote, or what have you. These are good words to live by and it’s taken me decades to turn that into practice. Not all of it is my own fault, there are numerous external factors involved, life, other people, well, life in general gets in the way of life. Of course, one must take ones health, and various other factors, into consideration, but it really is best to make the attempt to not put things off for another day.
I had procrastination tendencies as a child; early memories of not wanting to do my homework for one reason or another, then getting it piled up with no end in sight took me by surprise, not to mention the incredible amount of ‘music’ coming from all manner of adults who surrounded me during my education system sentence. I didn’t understand, nor did I care, what the repercussions would be. Going to school, keeping myself and my room clean, then all the household chores, were all I had to do, but I didn’t want anything to do with any of it, for all kinds of reasons. Reasons.
During puberty, and then teen years, meant all new levels of procrastination. There were many problems in my life, which I am not discussing here, right now, that contributed to procrastination, spite against my parents and authority in general, were the two strong factors. So, really, what ended up happening is that over the years I developed it as a habit, a bad habit, one of many that I carried through my teen years and well into adult hood.
As a young adult I seemed to be in a state of shock for the first few years, then as I got through into my late twenties I came to an incredible realization of what I had been doing, or, in the case of procrastination, what I had been not doing. I was sabotaging my own life by procrastinating out of spite against people who had sabotaged my life. I was cutting off my own nose to spite my face. I was seeing things in a different light, as well as having different job experiences soon made me do the opposite of procrastinating, I was getting to things as soon as I could.
Then I fell, head first, into an unhealthy relationship which lasted far longer than it should have, and my procrastination came back with a vengeance. You want spite? Well you got it. Man, I look back on that time and I feel real stupid for staying in for so long. But, it happens, as they tell me. Life gets in the way of life. I soon fell into a whirl pool effect of procrastinating on life, which really bummed me out, which, in turn, made me procrastinate even more, which bummed me out even more. You see where this is going? Yes, folks, we do love a good run on sentence down here at The Rusty Prose.
I am so much better now. I still put things off, but that really bugs me so I try my best to get things done. Don’t get me wrong, I, by no means, am an over achiever, I just do my best to accomplish my tasks on hand.
Here are a couple Haiku I found, I wrote them a few moths after my final Chemo treatments.
Wet, Lush, Green field;
Geese flying North, honking loud;
A warm breeze blowing.
A lone frozen oak;
A strong cold wind, one limb breaks;
The pain is silent.
I have writer’s block, it’s late in the evening, it has been a long work week at the Salt Mines, and I’ve enjoyed an after work beer. I had today’s blog post all worked out but I changed my mind because it just wasn’t working for me. Instead, I’ll write about one thing or another, sorry, just kidding, I do have another bout of writer’s block, but we won’t let that stop us. Here at The Rusty Prose, we charge through these barriers, we turn road blocks into stepping stones, and we don’t put our wish bone where our back bone ought to be. I plan to accomplish lot of things done, but my system for planning always fails. I set the intent, and in doing so, I manage to get something done. At the very least, my typing has improved.
I, like a lot of people, have many frustrations in my day, mine is my blue collar job and all that it entails, so, I am writing this blog for a number of different reasons; to improve my writing, to compel myself to write on a regular basis, to garner a fan base, and, as an income stream. After I get my act together with this blog, I will get my Patreon page up and running. That would make two revenue streams, then after that maybe look into freelance blogging, as a third revenue stream. The idea is to get away from my penance at the Salt Mines, then move on to my literary fiction, which I quite enjoy writing.
More and more these days, more so now than ever, I have been dreaming, wishing, even pleading to be a stay at home writer, so, in a metaphysical sense, I think something positive is about to happen, or maybe I just have my hopes up. I am starting to feel, and notice, positive changes coming over me for my side hustle endeavor, as well as my day job at the Salt Mines. I do believe that I am turning a corner with both, as though one day this will all take off in a positive direction. I am motivated to stick with it, this blog, and my plans for other revenue streams.
I’ve been told, a few times recently, that I have been inspiring people, on twitter, in real life, and here on my blog. I don’t feel inspiring, but due to my Cancer situation, and my motivation to improve myself, I guess I’ve moved some people. I talk about my schedule, and how I make time to write, I have a blog, I have twitter and I know how to use it. I am networking well, I have my highs and my lows, lately I have been having highs on twitter, but lows on my blog. Today was the worst blog day, I had zero visitors, I’m exhausted and I have writer’s block.
I am in this for the long haul, I have been making some quickie little blog entries, mostly aimed at improving my writing, my prose and my typing. I am certain, that if I keep at this writing and editing and posting often, it will have numerous payoffs. The idea is, after I set myself free from the Salt Mines by supporting myself with three or four revenue streams, then I can, and will, begin working on all my rough wips waiting for my attention.
I am an extroverted introvert, I love how that sounds, and what that means is, I am outgoing, can be quite gregarious, can address a crowd, even perform live in one capacity or another, but for a limited time only. I turn into a pumpkin quite early, I need to be away from people. Maybe not all people, the company of one or two more suits me just fine, any more than three can get under my skin. Even three other people is pushing it; I need to be alone for a while to recharge my batteries, or with someone who is patient enough to understand.
I have always been that way, since I was a child, I remember being in large groups of kids and not wanting to be the focus of attention, especially when it came to girls. My parents didn’t want to hear about it, my grandmother, a nurse, picked up on it. One fine day, as a seven year old, I asked her why everybody stares at me, people in cars all look at me as I would walk down the street, she told me to ignore them and to look the other way. I think she picked up on the fact that I’m also agoraphobic, which is another story all together.
I’m so old, I’m from a time when us children would got outside and play on our own or would walk for a mile to get to a friends house. Mostly I would just walk for a mile to nowhere, too many times I’d get to a friends house and there would already be half a dozen people there.
I like conversing with people on a higher level than simple small talk, i.e., the weather, sports scores etc. I find, if I try to go even just a touch deeper than the weather, say politics, business, or finance, most people don’t want to hear about it, so I am left making small talk with a large group of people in most of my day to day interactions either at work, or at school. It’s easy enough to find people with whom I can have a more meaningful connection with, but they don’t all understand the hidden introvert.
I guess that’s the key right there, the introversion is mostly hidden and disguised, and so people are quickly blindsided by an extroverted person shutting down in an instant for seemingly no reason whatsoever. It took me several years for me to realize I was doing that to people, I’m sure I’ve hurt a lot of my friends, acquaintances, and lovers that way. Conversely I’ve been hurt by introverts who don’t understand my extroversion.
It’s not that I don’t like people, though I may have uttered that phrase a number of times in my life, its more that I need to be alone for certain periods of time. I feel, post cancer and chemo, that it’s getting worse. There are other factors involved, those, and the cancer, will be further expanded upon in future blog posts, which you can always read here, at The Rusty Prose. So don’t be offended if one minute, I’m acting like your best friend in the whole wide world and the next minute, I’m contemplating being alone, reading, writing or watching a film or listening to music; you’re more than welcome to come along, just don’t ask me to go out to play with you and all your friends.